| New York Divorce Mediation FAQ
Comprehensive divorce mediation can be more cost effective than an
adversarial divorce process. It may result in equitable distribution
of property, contain conflict, promote compliance and facilitate more
cooperative communication. In a comprehensive mediation process,
financial and child-related concerns are addressed simultaneously.
Mediation
FAQ
What is divorce mediation?
Who are mediators?
How mediation can help
Now does mediation work?
Now much does mediation cost?
Does mediation work?
What is the difference between mediation and arbitration?
What
is divorce mediation?
Until the last 10 years or so, just about the only course for divorcing
couples was to hire lawyers to do battle for them. Often the spouses
would not even speak with each other, "communicating" only through
their attorneys. And attorneys proliferated. The addition of "no
fault" to divorce laws
has given rise to an emerging alternative
for divorcing couples: mediation. Mediation is the process
in which the divorcing couple works out its problems, disagreements,
and marital issues
with
a trained, impartial third party - the mediator. The mediator assists
the couple in resolving its differences in a constructive way to reach a
"win/win" decision rather than the adversative "win/lose"
situation.
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Who
are mediators?
The mediator may be a marriage counselor, social worker, psychologist,
or lawyer trained in family and divorce mediation. At present, mediation
is still open turf for any of the above professions to claim. Maryland
does not have any licensing requirements for mediators. At any rate, the
mediator should have received formal training from a recognized program
or institute, such as the Academy of Family Mediators. They should be
versed in family budgeting, the law, tax consequences of divorce, and a
variety of options and alternatives crucial to contemplating divorce.
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How
the Mediator Can Help.
The major differences between mediators and lawyers are that the
mediator assists you and your spouse in working out your disagreements
together; emphasizes the restructuring of the family from a practical
point of view, in addition to the legal side; pays more attention to
your emotional needs; and, is impartial, representing neither you nor
your spouse, but both. Unlike the legal adversarial system, mediation is
more sensitive to the integrity of the marriage. It tries to build on
the strengths of the relationship, avoiding the "we'll get
him/her" so common with the adversarial position.
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How
does mediation work?
As
one mediator described the process, "Mediation is neither therapy, nor
the law - it's an educational process." Usually, the couple
attends an orientation session in which the mediator thoroughly explains
the process of mediation such as what the couple should focus on, how
they should
speak to each other (keep raised voices down), and so on. The
session may last for two hours.
After
the initial session, the couple attends three to eight one-and-a-half-
to two-hour sessions in which the mediator will guide them to make their
own decisions on how they wish to end their marriage.
They analyze their budgets and needs, divide marital property, review
their children's needs, and reorganize their family and life-style to
fit its new structure. Mediators place special emphasis on
providing an acceptable form of
continuity where children are concerned and may even include children in
the sessions if warranted.
The
process allows the parties to analyze their situations and to understand
each other's needs as well as those of the children. It may alleviate
the anger and bitterness that the couples initially may feel toward each other. It also makes the couple realize that
although they may not be husband and wife, they are still
parents. It encourages their cooperation with each other in determining
their relationship with their children.
Once
the couple decides on what they wish to do, the mediator draws up a
memorandum of understanding
that specifies what issues have been resolved. This statement
is then given to the couple's
respective attorneys, who will draw up a formal separation agreement
based on the statement. Please note that many mediators
are not lawyers and, therefore, may not consider all that should be
necessary for a good separation agreement.
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How
much does Mediation cost?
The
cost of mediation varies from $100 to as much as $250 a session.
(Attorneys who are mediators usually charge more than non-attorneys). It
usually is requested that both parties contribute
to the costs, eliminating any possible feelings that the one who pays may
be getting preferred treatment. Sessions also
may be held with co-mediators, a lawyer and a social
worker, for example.
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Does
Mediation Work?
Statistics show that court-ordered child support and alimony payments
tend to lag after two years and tend to be ignored entirely after five
years. Experience so far has shown that people tend to abide by
agreements reached through mediation.
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Both mediation and
arbitration involve a neutral third party who is not a judge. In
mediation, the neutral party -- the mediator -- helps the spouses to
negotiate an agreement and has no power to make decisions. In arbitration,
the neutral third party -- the arbitrator -- listens to the facts and then
decides the case.
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